Category Archives: Church

On being a member

Posted on April 17, 2012 | 2 Comments

A few weeks ago, I attempted to cancel (for the second time) the newsletter which continues to come to my house, addressed to “Rhode Island Baptist Women.”  I called the number that seemed logical for this newsletter, and explained as gently as I could to the woman who answered the phone that I was not part of the “Rhode Island Baptist Women’s Group” and that continuing to send a newsletter to my house was not helpful for either one of us.  The woman on the other end of the phone sighed and said “It’s such a shame….we’re losing so many members.”  I hastened to tell her that they weren’t really “losing” me – the only reason I was ever on their list was because once, years ago, I served as the chaplain at a historically Baptist nursing home and did an event with the Baptist Women’s Group.  ”I’m Unitarian Universalist!” I cheerfully told her, “you don’t want me on your list anyways!”

The woman on the other end of the phone did not share my excitement.  ”But you’ve been on our LIST” she said flatly.  ”I’m sorry you don’t want to be any more.  Even if you are Unitarian Universalist now, you might change your mind.”

I felt there was some kind of miscommunication going on between us.  I explained as clearly as I could that I was highly unlikely to convert to being a Baptist any time soon, since I was a minister in another faith, and that though I had a great deal of respect for the Rhode Island Baptist Women’s Group, I was emphatically not one of them and never would “come back.”  Particularly since I was never there in the first place.

This all got me thinking about what it means to be a member of something.  Some of my memberships I take very seriously – the membership to my college alum association (I love my college), for example, and my membership to the UU Minister’s Association.  Others mean less to me….like apparently my membership to the Rhode Island Baptist Women’s Group.

I think for membership to be relevant, three things have to be present in the relationship:

1). You have to care about the organization you are member of and contribute to it through time, money, skills etc.

2). The organization has to care about you and value you as a stakeholder, even if they do things you don’t always agree with.  You have to be valued.

3). The organization has to be relevant to your life and meaningful to you.  Otherwise, the membership is pointless.

How do we keep our memberships reflecting who we are in living into our best selves?  And what do we as churches do with our “members?”  What does that word mean in the context of a church whose goal it is to help people become their best selves and live their spiritual lives to the fullest?

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Posted in Church, Ministry

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On Easter Sunday

Posted on April 8, 2012 | 1 Comment

Our beautiful church. We don't fill the sanctuary yet, but we will!

Today I led my second service at First Parish Church in Taunton as their minister.    It’s almost shocking to me how comfortable and at home I feel at First Parish, and how the pieces of our ministry are coming together in ways that I could never have imagined.

Easter can be  tricky holiday for Unitarian Universalists.  Since we don’t generally believe that Jesus died for our sins, and was resurrected for us to be saved, there sometimes is a bit of “what’s this all about?” the comes together on Easter morning for me.  But this year, the message of re-birth that is a part of all of us feels so true to me – so tangibly real – that I believe I have come to a new understanding on what Easter really is all about.  It is truly about the re-birth of all of us, about the chance for all of us to acknowledge that we have made mistakes in our lives, and that we can start over, just as we do every year in the springtime. We all have the chance to be reborn – as friends, as parents, as brothers and sisters, and as spiritual beings.   This Easter Sunday was a day of re-birth, and it was glorious.

And for those of you who could not join us this morning, a little taste of our music this week……….have a listen!  Nothing like five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes to help keep things in perspective.

It is a wondrous time.

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Posted in Church, First Parish Taunton, Ministry

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When one door closes……..

Posted on February 28, 2012 | 11 Comments

It’s been quite a month.  To all appearances, our church re-start in Norton has been moving along beautifully.  We’ve had between forty and fifty people at our January and February services, and vibrant small group communities in our Roots groups, Buddhist groups, and Young Adult group.  People are inviting their friends to our events, (hooray!)  and we’ve been growing by about 2 or 3 people per week.

Then……

I received a letter at my home a few weeks ago.  It was from an attorney who the Parish Committee of Norton had hired, and it notified me that when my contract with the church expired on May 1, they would not be renewing it.  Further, it appears as though the Parish Committee has decided not to formally meet and therefore allow any of the new people to become actual members of the church.

When I first received the letter, all I could think of was “this must not be over.  We are onto something here, and something beautiful is happening in this community. It simply can’t be over!”  For a short period of time, my vocational path was clouded, and with it, the future of the spiritual community we have been building.  I had felt so sure, you see, that this church, at this location in Norton, was the way to bring about a version of vibrant, transformative, Unitarian Universalist faith.  But as I started to talk to people – people who have been part of the Norton community and the Unitarian Universalist community, and the people who are interested in what we have been doing in Norton – a path opened that I never would have expected a few weeks ago.

Yesterday, I signed a contract to become the full time minister at the First Parish Unitarian Church in Taunton.  First Parish Taunton is a small congregation just seven miles away from Norton Unitarian.  The Taunton church has been following the Norton re-start with interest, and even spoke to one of our denominational officials last fall about possibly doing a similar program in Taunton.  They were in search for a minister who could help them grow their congregation, and who was tuned into how to reach those who are “spiritual but not religious.”  They are delighted to welcome in our members from Norton, and to continue to grow the church into a welcoming, spiritually based community for the twenty first century!

When I first began the conversations with First Parish Church in Taunton, I was excited about the idea that our church re-start would not die. As I have continued to speak to their governing board and learn about their community, I have become truly convinced that moving our congregation to Taunton is the calling of our church community. Not only are the people in Taunton excited and welcoming, they have a large, up-to-date building, including all kinds of fancy assets that we don’t have in Norton, such as a telephone, and more than one toilet. They have several rooms for their children that have doors on them, rather than an outside door leading straight into a parking lot, and they even have computers!

They also have some staff, which means that I would be able to do two things – stop taking out the garbage myself, and allow me more time to take the next step in our ministry. You see, the goal for us before starting weekly worship in Norton was to reach a critical mass. I’m delighted to say that with addition of the people from the Taunton congregation, we have met that goal, will be able to begin having weekly worship when I start my ministry there on April 1.

It is the sort of story that you can’t possibly imagine, and yet when it does, it seems like it was all meant to be.  I’m so excited for this move – for the new opportunities for growth and creation, and for all that this congregation can become!

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Posted in Church, First Parish Taunton, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry, Unitarian Universalism

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New Beginnings

Posted on January 4, 2012 | 2 Comments

On December 24, 2011, I did something I don’t always do on Christmas Eve.

I went to church.

More than that, I led worship at the First Unitarian Church of Norton – the first public worship we have had since the re-start began.  It was an amazing experience – not just to be leading worship again, but to see this community literally grow and begin to take shape on a beautiful Christmas Eve.

Several people have asked “How many were there?  Were there more than ten? ”  There were in fact, more than ten…..our final head count came in at seventy-eight.  It was a fun group of people – a warm and welcoming group, which I believe will continue to grow because of our warmth and welcoming.  People were so happy to be there!

It was an amazing thing, to be leading worship for a congregation that has such a history and yet is so entirely new.  We learned some important things about our historic building – for example, that the current electrical circuits cannot carry both lights and a coffee pot simultaneously on the same breaker – and that the church decorates beautifully for Christmas.  We also learned that the creation of community is magical.

Our next worship will be January 29.  We will be having monthly services for January and February, and see where we are in March in terms of our goals and needs for our growing community.

Someone said to me several months ago “This re-start is just a giant experiment, you know.  But so are all churches, and communities, and societies of people.  So just enjoy the science of it all.”

I have to tell you, this is the most fun experiment I have ever been part of!

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Posted in Church, Community, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry

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The Magic Number

Posted on August 16, 2011 | 3 Comments

When I was born, my home congregation had just over 400 members.  Today, they have nearly 900.  There are three other Unitarian Universalist churches less than twenty miles away from my home congregation who also have several hundred members each.

We have the capacity to grow big.

As of today, Norton Unitarian Church has forty-four people who are interested in being part of our congregation in one way or another.  Fall is an exciting time for the church, as we kick off new Small Groups, our monthly TED Talks Dinners, Family Night and our Mindfulness Workshops.  People are excited and energized about our community, and some are asking me: “When do we start Sunday worship?  Isn’t this enough people?  What is that Magic Number?”

I’m very lucky in that I have a new church start coach who is able to advise me on such matters.  I was able to be clear with my coach that I want this church to grow big.  Not 50 people big, but 200, 300, 500 people big.  Big to be sustainable. Big to grow the faith.  Big to grow peoples’ faith, and big to create a vibrant, living community.

That Magic Number?  We talked about it.  We also talked about the dangers of beginning services too early (“premature launch”) and what a solid, lively foundation for this church will look like.  Every church has a different Magic Number, but at Norton Unitarian Church, ours is eighty to one hundred people.

I can hear the scoffs now.  ”Crazy!”  Eighty to one hundred people to START?  Yes my friends, to START!  There are many reasons for this particular Magic Number in this context, but the most primary one is this: when you start with a smaller community, it’s easier for that community to stay small.  When you start with a bigger community, it’s easier for that community to grow big!

This isn't quite the layout of our church....but you get the idea!

 

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Posted in Church, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry, Unitarian Universalism

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Community Living

Posted on July 25, 2011 | Leave a comment

There are a lot of opinions about the “right” size for a church.   I was speaking with someone a few weeks ago about our church when she told me that any church more than 100 people “isn’t a community.”  ”After 100 people, you can’t know everyone,” she explained, “so how can you be a community at all?”

While I understand her reasoning,  I don’t agree.   On the one hand, she’s right – it is hard to know everyone when you have more than 100 people – but I don’t think that knowing everyone is the goal of a community.  I know the names of a lot of the people in my neighborhood, but I would not say we have a community.   A community to me is about being part of something bigger than yourself.  About choosing to engage with others, to give and to receive.  A community is a living organism, and it lives beyond people knowing each other.  A strong community breathes its own life.

How many is an an “ideal” church size?  Good question.  My home church was 400 people when I was born – by the time I graduated from high school, we were at 900.  There are a lot of systems theories and research out there indicating that any church over 100 people will likely continue to grow larger, with the continued efforts of the staff and members.  Under 100, because “everyone DOES know your name,” a church is more likely to become an insular community and stagnate in growth.  This is not a hard-and-fast rule, of course, but a likely outcome based on research.

What does this mean for the Unitarian Church of Norton?  Stay tuned!

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Posted in Church, Community, First Unitarian of Norton

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Boot Camp

Posted on June 7, 2011 | Leave a comment

A couple of weeks ago I attended a conference called New Church Start Boot Camp.  I’m normally not a huge fan of conferences – it’s hard to guarantee quality, and scheduling long (and sometimes overnight) days away from my family is never a fun thing to do.  But I decided to attend this one with the encouragement of my friend Royce, and with the vague hope that I might leave with a nugget or two of useful information.

Oh.  My.  Goodness.

This conference was AMAZING.  It was sponsored by the Massachusetts United Church of Christ office (where it was held) and Griffith Coaching.  Jim Griffith and Paul Nickerson presented, and let me tell you, if you want to know anything about new church starts or re-starts, they know it!  I’m not going to try to explain the information here, but if you’re interested you should totally buy Jim’s book.

One of the things that was most rewarding for me personally in attending this conference was that these people have DONE IT.  They’ve done it personally and they have coached other people to success.  And not just two or three churches – Jim has started 5 churches, and has coached over 1500.  There are people who have started with the dream of a new church and made it a life-giving reality!

To a lot of people I talk to, the work we’re doing in Norton is so unusual they can’t even find the words to express it.  ”A church re-start?  A new kind of church?  A church that is relevant to people where they are today and is doing a series on the Spirituality in Star Wars?  What do you MEAN???”  To Paul and Jim and the other people at this conference, this work is normal and understandable and even has methodology.  A methodology that has been documented!

I have a whole new outlook on conferences.

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Norton Unitarian Website is UP!

Posted on May 17, 2011 | Leave a comment

Norton Unitarian

And let me tell you, it’s been quite the adventure.

When you are working with a church re-start, there’s a lot of “typical information” that simply doesn’t exist yet.  Who attends this church?  What is it all about?  When are services?  What is your role in the community?

Boy, those are some good questions.  And this month, the one-year anniversary of my hiring to the First Unitarian Church of Norton, many of these questions are being answered.

Over the past year, I’ve spoken with hundreds of people.  I’ve talked with people who live in Norton and the surrounding towns, students and faculty at Wheaton College, business owners, mothers and fathers, long-time church attenders and people who are spiritual but not religious.  The oldest person I’ve met with who is interested in the church is 81 – the youngest is 13.  Through these conversations I’ve gotten a sense of what people are looking for and what Unitarian Universalism might look like in this place, at this time.

Our website does not answer all of those questions; the vision for this church is still emerging.  And, to be honest, will probably continue to emerge and change as long as this church exists.  Churches have to move and to breathe with the world around them, otherwise we will cease to be meaningful and relevant.

But our website shows a beginning of the vision for this church, at this time, in this place.  And it’s a great vision.  I’m so inspired by the people I’m working with, and by all those who are involved and interested in the First Unitarian Church of Norton re-start.

So go check it out, and share with all your friends!

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Posted in Church, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry, Unitarian Universalism

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Thoughts on Minns

Posted on April 12, 2011 | Leave a comment

I stayed in Boston this weekend to attend the Minns Lecture Series at the First Church in Boston.  The lectures are done by Unitarian Universalists and can be on a lot of topics based on the idea of “creative theological and religious advancement.”  This year was a series of lectures – 6 panalists in all – discussing the questions of where we are today and where we want to go in the future.

First of all, the lectures were AMAZING.  Can I just give a shout-out to my brilliant colleagues who can write and speak with such skill and vibrancy?  Let’s all say AMEN!  (Which a lot of us did.  It was good.)

Everyone spoke from a different perspective, and I’m not going to try to summerize all of their thoughts and ideas here.  But the theme that ran through all of the lectures and the discussion panels was something we’ve spoken a lot about here in Norton – spiritual depth.  It is the idea that churches can no longer be content to be community gathering spots, or rely on the idea that people will go to church out of habit.  Our churches must offer compelling spiritual depth for anyone who wants to attend.  Or to state it simply, we must have a spiritual reason for being.

I keep the book “A Purpose Driven Church” prominently placed next to my desk.  I don’t always read the book, and have actually found it less helpful than some other books about churches.  But I keep it there because I have to always, always, ALWAYS remember the title.  A church without a purpose should close its doors.  A church with purpose – with spiritual depth, with a reason for being, who knows and is not afraid of the great religious questions – that’s an exciting place to be!

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What is Unitarian Universalism – in 30 seconds?

Posted on March 21, 2011 | Leave a comment

When I meet with people who have heard of Norton Unitarian Church and are interested in what we are doing, inevitably the question comes up: “So what is Unitarian Universalism all about?  What is this church about?”

It is a complicated question that, realistically, takes a lifetime to answer.  It’s also one that requires an answer in under thirty seconds.  My answer is not terribly eloquent but it gets the point across.

“Unitarian Universalism is generally left-leaning.  We were the first people to ordain women to the ministry, and we accept all people, regardless of race, class, or sexual orientation.  That’s a core value of our faith.  At Norton Unitarian we believe we need to love all people and to think.  Doing both at the same time can be very difficult, but it is what we believe we are called to do.”

To love all people and to think.  That’s the heart of what has kept me in the UU faith for the last several years, and it is what has sustained my ministry.  It is why I keep coming back to this religion, and why I have faith in what we do – what Norton Unitarian Church is all about.

It’s not an easy thing to do, at least not for me.  One of my favorite articles on this subject was written by UU minister Meg Barnhouse and published not long after the terrible shooting in the Unitarian Universalist Church in Knoxville, Tennessee.  Meg wrote about how she had met the shooter at a Unitarian Universalist summer camp several years before, and how she had struggled with his views at that time.  She wrote:

“We love to think of ourselves as open-minded, but it’s hard for us to be open-minded toward certain people and their views. Maybe it’s just me that has a hard time, but I think I’m not alone in this. I argued with him, too. I do affirm the worth and dignity of every person, but I never promised to affirm the worth and dignity of every idea. Some ideas are oppressive and not well thought out. They lead to violence and injustice and really bad behavior. I try to argue with respect and kindness, but it’s hard when the person you’re talking to acts like a jerk. If I were the Dalai Lama or a UU saint, I would be able to, and I hope that will come in the future, but I am sure not there yet.”

To love all people and to think.  To love the shooters who are terrorizing our churches and schools and grocery store parking lots, while knowing that what they are doing is completely and totally, gut-wrenching wrong.  It’s not easy to do both of these, at least not for me.  Sometimes I would much rather sit in judgement of another person than engage in the struggle of loving and thinking.

To me, a religion needs to be something that we strive to live up to.  It needs to be something that we can’t “complete” or “be without knowing it.”  It has to be something that guides us – something that helps us to live better lives and become the best people we can be.

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Posted in Church, First Unitarian of Norton, Spiritual life, Theology, Unitarian Universalism

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