Category Archives: Church

Community Living

Posted on July 25, 2011 | Leave a comment

There are a lot of opinions about the “right” size for a church.   I was speaking with someone a few weeks ago about our church when she told me that any church more than 100 people “isn’t a community.”  ”After 100 people, you can’t know everyone,” she explained, “so how can you be a community at all?”

While I understand her reasoning,  I don’t agree.   On the one hand, she’s right – it is hard to know everyone when you have more than 100 people – but I don’t think that knowing everyone is the goal of a community.  I know the names of a lot of the people in my neighborhood, but I would not say we have a community.   A community to me is about being part of something bigger than yourself.  About choosing to engage with others, to give and to receive.  A community is a living organism, and it lives beyond people knowing each other.  A strong community breathes its own life.

How many is an an “ideal” church size?  Good question.  My home church was 400 people when I was born – by the time I graduated from high school, we were at 900.  There are a lot of systems theories and research out there indicating that any church over 100 people will likely continue to grow larger, with the continued efforts of the staff and members.  Under 100, because “everyone DOES know your name,” a church is more likely to become an insular community and stagnate in growth.  This is not a hard-and-fast rule, of course, but a likely outcome based on research.

What does this mean for the Unitarian Church of Norton?  Stay tuned!

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Posted in Church, Community, First Unitarian of Norton

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Boot Camp

Posted on June 7, 2011 | Leave a comment

A couple of weeks ago I attended a conference called New Church Start Boot Camp.  I’m normally not a huge fan of conferences – it’s hard to guarantee quality, and scheduling long (and sometimes overnight) days away from my family is never a fun thing to do.  But I decided to attend this one with the encouragement of my friend Royce, and with the vague hope that I might leave with a nugget or two of useful information.

Oh.  My.  Goodness.

This conference was AMAZING.  It was sponsored by the Massachusetts United Church of Christ office (where it was held) and Griffith Coaching.  Jim Griffith and Paul Nickerson presented, and let me tell you, if you want to know anything about new church starts or re-starts, they know it!  I’m not going to try to explain the information here, but if you’re interested you should totally buy Jim’s book.

One of the things that was most rewarding for me personally in attending this conference was that these people have DONE IT.  They’ve done it personally and they have coached other people to success.  And not just two or three churches – Jim has started 5 churches, and has coached over 1500.  There are people who have started with the dream of a new church and made it a life-giving reality!

To a lot of people I talk to, the work we’re doing in Norton is so unusual they can’t even find the words to express it.  ”A church re-start?  A new kind of church?  A church that is relevant to people where they are today and is doing a series on the Spirituality in Star Wars?  What do you MEAN???”  To Paul and Jim and the other people at this conference, this work is normal and understandable and even has methodology.  A methodology that has been documented!

I have a whole new outlook on conferences.

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Posted in Church, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry

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Norton Unitarian Website is UP!

Posted on May 17, 2011 | Leave a comment

Norton Unitarian

And let me tell you, it’s been quite the adventure.

When you are working with a church re-start, there’s a lot of “typical information” that simply doesn’t exist yet.  Who attends this church?  What is it all about?  When are services?  What is your role in the community?

Boy, those are some good questions.  And this month, the one-year anniversary of my hiring to the First Unitarian Church of Norton, many of these questions are being answered.

Over the past year, I’ve spoken with hundreds of people.  I’ve talked with people who live in Norton and the surrounding towns, students and faculty at Wheaton College, business owners, mothers and fathers, long-time church attenders and people who are spiritual but not religious.  The oldest person I’ve met with who is interested in the church is 81 – the youngest is 13.  Through these conversations I’ve gotten a sense of what people are looking for and what Unitarian Universalism might look like in this place, at this time.

Our website does not answer all of those questions; the vision for this church is still emerging.  And, to be honest, will probably continue to emerge and change as long as this church exists.  Churches have to move and to breathe with the world around them, otherwise we will cease to be meaningful and relevant.

But our website shows a beginning of the vision for this church, at this time, in this place.  And it’s a great vision.  I’m so inspired by the people I’m working with, and by all those who are involved and interested in the First Unitarian Church of Norton re-start.

So go check it out, and share with all your friends!

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Posted in Church, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry, Unitarian Universalism

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Thoughts on Minns

Posted on April 12, 2011 | Leave a comment

I stayed in Boston this weekend to attend the Minns Lecture Series at the First Church in Boston.  The lectures are done by Unitarian Universalists and can be on a lot of topics based on the idea of “creative theological and religious advancement.”  This year was a series of lectures – 6 panalists in all – discussing the questions of where we are today and where we want to go in the future.

First of all, the lectures were AMAZING.  Can I just give a shout-out to my brilliant colleagues who can write and speak with such skill and vibrancy?  Let’s all say AMEN!  (Which a lot of us did.  It was good.)

Everyone spoke from a different perspective, and I’m not going to try to summerize all of their thoughts and ideas here.  But the theme that ran through all of the lectures and the discussion panels was something we’ve spoken a lot about here in Norton – spiritual depth.  It is the idea that churches can no longer be content to be community gathering spots, or rely on the idea that people will go to church out of habit.  Our churches must offer compelling spiritual depth for anyone who wants to attend.  Or to state it simply, we must have a spiritual reason for being.

I keep the book “A Purpose Driven Church” prominently placed next to my desk.  I don’t always read the book, and have actually found it less helpful than some other books about churches.  But I keep it there because I have to always, always, ALWAYS remember the title.  A church without a purpose should close its doors.  A church with purpose – with spiritual depth, with a reason for being, who knows and is not afraid of the great religious questions – that’s an exciting place to be!

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Posted in Church, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry, Theology, Unitarian Universalism

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What is Unitarian Universalism – in 30 seconds?

Posted on March 21, 2011 | Leave a comment

When I meet with people who have heard of Norton Unitarian Church and are interested in what we are doing, inevitably the question comes up: “So what is Unitarian Universalism all about?  What is this church about?”

It is a complicated question that, realistically, takes a lifetime to answer.  It’s also one that requires an answer in under thirty seconds.  My answer is not terribly eloquent but it gets the point across.

“Unitarian Universalism is generally left-leaning.  We were the first people to ordain women to the ministry, and we accept all people, regardless of race, class, or sexual orientation.  That’s a core value of our faith.  At Norton Unitarian we believe we need to love all people and to think.  Doing both at the same time can be very difficult, but it is what we believe we are called to do.”

To love all people and to think.  That’s the heart of what has kept me in the UU faith for the last several years, and it is what has sustained my ministry.  It is why I keep coming back to this religion, and why I have faith in what we do – what Norton Unitarian Church is all about.

It’s not an easy thing to do, at least not for me.  One of my favorite articles on this subject was written by UU minister Meg Barnhouse and published not long after the terrible shooting in the Unitarian Universalist Church in Knoxville, Tennessee.  Meg wrote about how she had met the shooter at a Unitarian Universalist summer camp several years before, and how she had struggled with his views at that time.  She wrote:

“We love to think of ourselves as open-minded, but it’s hard for us to be open-minded toward certain people and their views. Maybe it’s just me that has a hard time, but I think I’m not alone in this. I argued with him, too. I do affirm the worth and dignity of every person, but I never promised to affirm the worth and dignity of every idea. Some ideas are oppressive and not well thought out. They lead to violence and injustice and really bad behavior. I try to argue with respect and kindness, but it’s hard when the person you’re talking to acts like a jerk. If I were the Dalai Lama or a UU saint, I would be able to, and I hope that will come in the future, but I am sure not there yet.”

To love all people and to think.  To love the shooters who are terrorizing our churches and schools and grocery store parking lots, while knowing that what they are doing is completely and totally, gut-wrenching wrong.  It’s not easy to do both of these, at least not for me.  Sometimes I would much rather sit in judgement of another person than engage in the struggle of loving and thinking.

To me, a religion needs to be something that we strive to live up to.  It needs to be something that we can’t “complete” or “be without knowing it.”  It has to be something that guides us – something that helps us to live better lives and become the best people we can be.

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Posted in Church, First Unitarian of Norton, Spiritual life, Theology, Unitarian Universalism

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Anchored in Unitarian Universalism

Posted on March 18, 2011 | 6 Comments

When I was twenty-two years old, I tried to convert.

I was raised Unitarian Universalist.  Daughter and granddaughter of Unitarian Universalists, child of active church board members and a student at the local Montessori school, I was steeped in UU values and beliefs.  And like many people, I wanted to experiment – I wanted to engage with a different faith than that I’d known my whole life.

I had studied religion in college, and was fascinated by the way that people’s religious beliefs influenced their lives and their decisions.  I wanted to see what else was out there – perhaps a religion that could offer me more guidance, something that could give me the concrete answers on cosmological questions that Unitarian Universalism never had.

So I began to attend other churches, and even a synagogue.  I visited the Episcopalians, the Reform Jews and the UCC’s.  I shared coffee with Baptists and sang with the Methodists.  I was inspired by many of their stories and loved that they said the same thing every week.  As I dabbled, however (and really enjoyed the Baptists, I’ll be honest!), I found I was running into a significant hitch.  I didn’t believe what these churches were saying.

They said they had the answer.  Most of them repeated the Nicaean Creed, and they relied on the Bible and the Torah for guidance.  But when it came right down to it, it didn’t seem to me that they didn’t know any more about the meaning of the cosmos than my Unitarian Universalist communities. They had beliefs and hopes, but they didn’t have the answers in their theology.  Not answers I could believe.

So I came home.  I returned back to the wrestle-with-the-questions community I had been raised in and started to look again for answers.  For guidance on how to make the best decisions I could.  For a community that could sustain me as I faced living in a world that isn’t always pretty, but sometimes more beautiful than I can believe.  And here in this church, I found something that was amazing – I found Unitarian Universalist theology.  And with that, I found an anchor that helped me understand the questions; an anchor that helped – and helps! – me live my life.

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Posted in Church, Spiritual life, Theology, Unitarian Universalism

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Time’s a-tickin’

Posted on February 24, 2011 | Leave a comment

Somehow, the last two weeks have gotten away from me.  My “smart” cell phone blew up (in the software sense, not an actual explosion…..though it felt that way), family came to visit and I had a birthday.  We held our second gathering of the first Small Group at Norton Unitarian Church last night, our second Small Group is almost full and will likely start meeting in a week or two.  I’m now speaking to people about joining the churches third Small Group, interviewing childcare providers (because children are not puppies) and putting final touches on the website mock-up.

Suddenly, there is momentum beyond me in the church!

It is so wonderful to talk to so many people interested and excited about the church I’m hoping Norton Unitarian will become.  I’ll be honest – I’m not trying to build something that looks like our “traditional” Unitarian Universalist church.  I want to be part of a religious community that speaks to a different need – a need that doesn’t seem to be being met by many of our current options.  A need that is about connection and vibrancy and faith.

By throwing the doors open to the church and presenting new ideas, new cultures are starting to emerge.  We are at the very beginning yet…..the very beginning….but the goal of the church is to be a place of meaning and joy. A place where we don’t have to always worry about what has been, but where we can look at where we are today and say “What works?  What makes sense?  What do we want in our lives?  What makes us grow spiritually and become better people in the world?”

This church is about faith today.

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Posted in Church, Church Administration, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry

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Dispensable Children

Posted on February 9, 2011 | Leave a comment

When we brought home our puppy Kayla, some five years ago,  a lot of people talked to us about how having her was going to be just like having a new baby.  “It’s so much work” they said earnestly, “You have to watch her and be there for her and take her outside all the time to go to the bathroom.”  I still remember the potty-training process for Kayla, mostly because we bought her in December and there was a lot of time spent in the snow and ice.   But here’s the thing, my friends.

YOU CAN’T PUT KIDS IN A KENNEL.

A darling doggie waiting happily for their owner to come home

There are a lot of differences between Kayla and my kids (to state the enormously obvious).  But one of the most important ones to know as a parent – be it for a puppy or child – is that you can leave dogs home alone and you CAN’T DO THAT WITH KIDS.  Once kids are born, they need pretty much 24/7  supervision for at least the first ten years of their lives.  There is the time when they are sleeping that you’re available (in your home) and most of us have at least some kind of support structure to help us watch our kids, be that daycare, friends or relatives. But they are yours…..your responsibility, your joy and your headache.  And at no time are you free to blithely plan your day, week or life without thinking of them.

I feel like we all know this on an intellectual level, but somehow that doesn’t translate into the reality of daily life.  I have experienced so many stories lately, from my friends and in my own life, where we are asked to simply tuck the realities of our children away.  One friend recently told me a story about being asked to serve on a committee at her church.  My friend explained to the woman asking her that she had children (ages 2 and 5), and that though she would be happy to serve, finding childcare in their small town was sometimes challenging.  The church woman said “I’m sure they would be fine of you just put them somewhere while you are here.”  My friend said to me later “It was clear that she was trying to be helpful.  And I appreciated that.  But where would I just “put” them in the church?  It’s not like I can just stick them in a room and tell them to stay there until I’m done with a meeting.  And even if I could – if they could handle it – why would I want to do that?”

Kids aren’t puppies.  And we can’t leave them home when we go to the grocery store, dinner or church.  Their needs don’t go away because the parents want to be part of something.  If we want to live as an integrated society – or as integrated churches – we need to meet the needs of both the parents and children.

Not a picture of my kids.....but aren't they cute?

I get at least two referrals on all people who watch my kids.  I’m a freak about making sure my kids are safe and well cared for, and that the time they spend with anyone is quality – that they are learning and growing and being cared for physically, mentally and emotionally.  It’s a lot, but really……how can we do anything less?

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Posted in Church, Community, Family, Kids

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So How Do You Re-start a Church?

Posted on February 2, 2011 | Leave a comment

I get this question a lot.

It would be great if there was a one-sentence answer.

There isn’t.

I’m not sure I know how to re-start a church.  But I do know how to listen.  And that’s been the most important part of what I’ve been doing for the past several months.  I’ve been meeting with enormous numbers of people, and I’ve been listening to what they want and need.  I’ve been listening to why they don’t go to church, in what ways they feel disconnected, and what they are looking for in a spiritual community.   I’ve been meeting people where they are, in their coffee shops and homes and offices.

I’ve also been listening to myself.  At the beginning of this process, I put one bottom line in place, which is written on a post-it note and stuck right next to my computer screen.  It says:

“The purpose of this church is to help people grow spiritually and to make the world a better place.”  This isn’t a congregational mission statement or faith statement or any other kind of institutional reflection.  It’s just my bottom line.  It is why I’m doing this, why I get up every morning and work on building a congregation….to fill a building standing ready, waiting to be filled with mission and vision and purpose.

From listening to people, I’ve found that I’m not the only person who is looking for a church that helps me grow spiritually and makes the world a better place.  There’s a lot of us out there, looking for something deeper to connect to.  We are thinking about death and happiness and forgiveness, and want to participate in the world in a more active way than voting on American Idol.

And as we all come together, something magic is starting to happen. Something that is precious and extraordinary and simple and common.

We are building a church.

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Posted in Church, Community, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry, Spiritual life

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What are we looking for?

Posted on January 14, 2011 | 8 Comments

It is a pretty commonly accepted fact that not a lot of Americans today attend church.  Most data suggests that between 40 percent and 50 percent of people in Generations X and Y did not grow up attending any kind of church at all.

Those who were born after 1970 (X and Y are generally defined as people born between 1965 and 1990) had Baby Boomer parents who lived through the tumult of the 1960s, saw JFK and Martin Luther King, Jr., shot, and were involved in the Vietnam War in one way or another.

Many Boomer parents did not send their kids to church because they themselves were breaking out of the norms of the day.  And how much more “normative” do you get than going to church?  Even those who did send their kids to church or who attended as a family often did so in a very relaxed fashion.  There were the “Christmas and Easter” families, of course, but also the families who went to church only when their kids were little or, in the Catholic faith, until their youngest child “made First Communion.”

As a result of all this, and other factors, many churches today are dying.  People don’t go because they never have.  They may visit a few times, but don’t find it relevant.  They sing songs they don’t know, recite prayers they have never heard and get asked to be on committees.  Sometimes they stay.  More often, they leave.

Yet the fundamental religious need has not changed.  The desire to have a life full of meaning and purpose is alive in all of us.  The questions about faith and God and death go through all of our minds.

So what are we looking for from churches?  My theory is that we are looking for a place to share our experiences and ask questions.  We don’t want a place that tells us what to do, but we do want guidance.  We want to enjoy our time, because life’s too short to do something that is more “work,” and we could always be playing Farmville.  We want to laugh, do something meaningful, and know that we are not alone.

What do you think?

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Posted in Church, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry, Spiritual life

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