Category Archives: Community

New Beginnings

Posted on January 4, 2012 | 2 Comments

On December 24, 2011, I did something I don’t always do on Christmas Eve.

I went to church.

More than that, I led worship at the First Unitarian Church of Norton – the first public worship we have had since the re-start began.  It was an amazing experience – not just to be leading worship again, but to see this community literally grow and begin to take shape on a beautiful Christmas Eve.

Several people have asked “How many were there?  Were there more than ten? ”  There were in fact, more than ten…..our final head count came in at seventy-eight.  It was a fun group of people – a warm and welcoming group, which I believe will continue to grow because of our warmth and welcoming.  People were so happy to be there!

It was an amazing thing, to be leading worship for a congregation that has such a history and yet is so entirely new.  We learned some important things about our historic building – for example, that the current electrical circuits cannot carry both lights and a coffee pot simultaneously on the same breaker – and that the church decorates beautifully for Christmas.  We also learned that the creation of community is magical.

Our next worship will be January 29.  We will be having monthly services for January and February, and see where we are in March in terms of our goals and needs for our growing community.

Someone said to me several months ago “This re-start is just a giant experiment, you know.  But so are all churches, and communities, and societies of people.  So just enjoy the science of it all.”

I have to tell you, this is the most fun experiment I have ever been part of!

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Posted in Church, Community, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry

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Movement to Watch

Posted on October 5, 2011 | Leave a comment

I get most of my news from the radio.

I spend a reasonable amount of time in the car, and don’t get a newspaper at home, since we discovered that a newspaper’s primary  purpose in our house was to create a massive amount of paper mess.  I like knowing what is going on in the world, but following every story is just not one of my top priorities.

However, there is something happening in the world that has caught my eye.  Something that actually merited a Google search all of its own, so that I could find out more about it.  It’s this thing that’s being called “Occupy Wall Street.”

The ideals behind is still seem to be vague, and I’m not quite sure what sure what their goals are.  But I’m interested in what is happening in New York – and now also Chicago, Los Angeles, Seattle and Boston.  What I’m most intrigued by is the ACTION of it all.  I’m part of Generation X – a child of Baby Boomers, and one who grew up in the shadow of the sixties revolution.  We heard about protests growing up but let’s be honest – despite all the rotten things that have happened in the last several years, the “younger generation” has not really participated or enacted any kind of fantastic social change.  Here we have people coming together and taking action.  They are DOING something about their anger, about their desires, about what they want the world to become.

I don’t know what will come out of all of this, but I’m glad to see people – real, live people, of my generation and others, taking part in something that matters to them!

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Posted in Community, Current Events, Democracy, Society

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Community Living

Posted on July 25, 2011 | Leave a comment

There are a lot of opinions about the “right” size for a church.   I was speaking with someone a few weeks ago about our church when she told me that any church more than 100 people “isn’t a community.”  ”After 100 people, you can’t know everyone,” she explained, “so how can you be a community at all?”

While I understand her reasoning,  I don’t agree.   On the one hand, she’s right – it is hard to know everyone when you have more than 100 people – but I don’t think that knowing everyone is the goal of a community.  I know the names of a lot of the people in my neighborhood, but I would not say we have a community.   A community to me is about being part of something bigger than yourself.  About choosing to engage with others, to give and to receive.  A community is a living organism, and it lives beyond people knowing each other.  A strong community breathes its own life.

How many is an an “ideal” church size?  Good question.  My home church was 400 people when I was born – by the time I graduated from high school, we were at 900.  There are a lot of systems theories and research out there indicating that any church over 100 people will likely continue to grow larger, with the continued efforts of the staff and members.  Under 100, because “everyone DOES know your name,” a church is more likely to become an insular community and stagnate in growth.  This is not a hard-and-fast rule, of course, but a likely outcome based on research.

What does this mean for the Unitarian Church of Norton?  Stay tuned!

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Posted in Church, Community, First Unitarian of Norton

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“Not Intended To Be A Factual Statement”

Posted on April 19, 2011 | 1 Comment

I’m a bit behind on the news here, but found this bit recently via a friend on Facebook.  I’d heard about the misquoting of the Planned Parenthood stats on the Senate Floor but was unfamiliar with the INSANITY of it all.  Seriously, Senator Kyl?  We jumped from abortions being 3% of all Planned Parenthood’s work to 90% in your estimation?  (If you are unsure what I’m talking about here, I’d strongly recommend watching the above clip.  Both hilarious and informative.)

The most awesome part about all of this is the Senator’s response to when he was called out on huge difference between 3% and 90% and how he made such a tremendous error on the Senate floor.  His response: “It was not intended to be a factual statement.”

I’m really struck by this because among all the words flying out of Washington and talk shows these days, “It was not intended to be a factual statement” is hilariously, depressingly, right on target.  Many of the things we hear are not factual statements when investigated – on both sides of the aisle.  The depressing part is that they are intended to be factual statements.  If Senator John Kyl had never been called out, do you think he ever would have admitted that he had missed the mark on Planned Parenthood by 87%?

Should we expect our politicians to lie?

How can you know when someone is telling the truth?

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Posted in Community, Democracy

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Generations

Posted on March 29, 2011 | 2 Comments

I recently took a survey on Facebook to learn how “Millennial” I am.  The top score you can have is 100, and I scored a 69 – right in there given that I am either a Gen X’er  or Millennial (depending on the source) with no tattoos and I maintain a landline.  (Our house is a dead cell zone.  Have you ever wondered if the phone companies planned that?)

I find the generational distinctions in our society fascinating.  I grew up with Boomer parents, and learned the songs of Cat Stevens and “Free to Be You and Me” before I was in kindergarden.  When I was in high school and college, there was a lot of talk about how my generation was “apathetic” and “without direction or drive.”  We didn’t have a civil rights movement or a cause to rally around.  Generation X was the first big divorce generation – huge numbers of us grew up with two houses,  step-families or single parents.

We were fragmented generations, and still are today.  Most of us have a very different sense of what “society” and “community” look like than our parents and grandparents did.  Some people argue that the structures of society (like churches and social clubs) are dying because Generations X and Millennial just don’t care.

I think we do care.  I think we care tremendously about connection and action, but I don’t know that we do community the way it was done 40 years ago.  Perhaps some of us do – after all, social clubs are not dead and gone – but stats show that large numbers of us find meaning and ways to connect in different ways than the old institutions.  

I’m fascinated to see what the future will bring!

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Posted in Community, Family, Society

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On the Bus to Heaven

Posted on March 2, 2011 | 1 Comment

One of my favorite books is C.S. Lewis’ The Great Divorce.  I don’t agree with all of Lewis’ theology, and am certainly not a fan of his distinctly modernist understandings of good and evil.  But I *love* the ideas presented in The Great Divorce, specifically the imagery he puts forth for Heaven and Hell.

The basic premise of the book is fairly simple.  Hell, or Purgatory, is a place that a lot of people live in.  It is a grey, dismal town with no sense of community and a lot of fish and chips shops.  Everyone who wants to is free to board the bus, a vehicle “blazing with golden light” that will take people to Heaven.   Once in Heaven, the newcomers have to face radical adjustments due to the astonishing beauty that is around them.  The newcomers are guided by angels, who both support them and assure them that with time, the beauty and joy of Heaven will become natural to them.  But as the story continues, we watch nearly all of the newcomers re-board the bus and go back to Hell….because they would rather be in a place they know and have some false sense of control, than in a place of beauty where they have to work to accept a new and better life.

Sometimes, we would so much rather live a known Hell than work to be part of a new Heaven.  The pull to live in the known rather than the unknown is astonishingly strong, even when then known is grey, dreary, and stretches on in loneliness forever.  Lewis makes no bare bones in The Great Divorce that becoming acclimated to beauty is painful at first.  He talks about how it is hard for the newcomers to walk on the grass because it is so sharp, and to see all of the beauty because it is so bright.

What I love about this book is not the pictures painted of Heaven and Hell – though I do think there is something fabulous about a grey Hell that smells like old fish – but the fact that through this allegory, Lewis acknowledges how hard change is.  In this story, people are voluntarily LEAVING HEAVEN to go back to Hell….simply because it is a place they know, and one that does not require them to change.

Change is hard.  Seriously, change is hard.  Hard and scary and sometimes feels impossible.  But I love Lewis’ challenge – shall we live in a known Hell or a brave new Heaven?  Can we bear to face the joy that can be ours?  In our lives, in our churches, in our communities and our own souls?

What does your Heaven look like?

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Posted in Community, Spiritual life, Theology

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Dispensable Children

Posted on February 9, 2011 | Leave a comment

When we brought home our puppy Kayla, some five years ago,  a lot of people talked to us about how having her was going to be just like having a new baby.  “It’s so much work” they said earnestly, “You have to watch her and be there for her and take her outside all the time to go to the bathroom.”  I still remember the potty-training process for Kayla, mostly because we bought her in December and there was a lot of time spent in the snow and ice.   But here’s the thing, my friends.

YOU CAN’T PUT KIDS IN A KENNEL.

A darling doggie waiting happily for their owner to come home

There are a lot of differences between Kayla and my kids (to state the enormously obvious).  But one of the most important ones to know as a parent – be it for a puppy or child – is that you can leave dogs home alone and you CAN’T DO THAT WITH KIDS.  Once kids are born, they need pretty much 24/7  supervision for at least the first ten years of their lives.  There is the time when they are sleeping that you’re available (in your home) and most of us have at least some kind of support structure to help us watch our kids, be that daycare, friends or relatives. But they are yours…..your responsibility, your joy and your headache.  And at no time are you free to blithely plan your day, week or life without thinking of them.

I feel like we all know this on an intellectual level, but somehow that doesn’t translate into the reality of daily life.  I have experienced so many stories lately, from my friends and in my own life, where we are asked to simply tuck the realities of our children away.  One friend recently told me a story about being asked to serve on a committee at her church.  My friend explained to the woman asking her that she had children (ages 2 and 5), and that though she would be happy to serve, finding childcare in their small town was sometimes challenging.  The church woman said “I’m sure they would be fine of you just put them somewhere while you are here.”  My friend said to me later “It was clear that she was trying to be helpful.  And I appreciated that.  But where would I just “put” them in the church?  It’s not like I can just stick them in a room and tell them to stay there until I’m done with a meeting.  And even if I could – if they could handle it – why would I want to do that?”

Kids aren’t puppies.  And we can’t leave them home when we go to the grocery store, dinner or church.  Their needs don’t go away because the parents want to be part of something.  If we want to live as an integrated society – or as integrated churches – we need to meet the needs of both the parents and children.

Not a picture of my kids.....but aren't they cute?

I get at least two referrals on all people who watch my kids.  I’m a freak about making sure my kids are safe and well cared for, and that the time they spend with anyone is quality – that they are learning and growing and being cared for physically, mentally and emotionally.  It’s a lot, but really……how can we do anything less?

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Posted in Church, Community, Family, Kids

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So How Do You Re-start a Church?

Posted on February 2, 2011 | Leave a comment

I get this question a lot.

It would be great if there was a one-sentence answer.

There isn’t.

I’m not sure I know how to re-start a church.  But I do know how to listen.  And that’s been the most important part of what I’ve been doing for the past several months.  I’ve been meeting with enormous numbers of people, and I’ve been listening to what they want and need.  I’ve been listening to why they don’t go to church, in what ways they feel disconnected, and what they are looking for in a spiritual community.   I’ve been meeting people where they are, in their coffee shops and homes and offices.

I’ve also been listening to myself.  At the beginning of this process, I put one bottom line in place, which is written on a post-it note and stuck right next to my computer screen.  It says:

“The purpose of this church is to help people grow spiritually and to make the world a better place.”  This isn’t a congregational mission statement or faith statement or any other kind of institutional reflection.  It’s just my bottom line.  It is why I’m doing this, why I get up every morning and work on building a congregation….to fill a building standing ready, waiting to be filled with mission and vision and purpose.

From listening to people, I’ve found that I’m not the only person who is looking for a church that helps me grow spiritually and makes the world a better place.  There’s a lot of us out there, looking for something deeper to connect to.  We are thinking about death and happiness and forgiveness, and want to participate in the world in a more active way than voting on American Idol.

And as we all come together, something magic is starting to happen. Something that is precious and extraordinary and simple and common.

We are building a church.

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Posted in Church, Community, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry, Spiritual life

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Forgiveness in the City

Posted on January 25, 2011 | 1 Comment

On Sunday night, I was folding laundry and aimlessly flipping the channels, trying to find something entertaining to watch while I worked my way through our enormous piles of clothes.  I ended up settling on the movie “Sex in the City: The Movie,” which was playing on our local station and I’d never seen.

When I was in college and grad school, “Sex in the City” was a fun part of my life.  My girlfriends and I would gather around for DVD-watching sessions, laughing at the fashions and the jokes and loving how the women in the show were always there to support each other just as we were.  Eventually we tired of the series, frustrated with how none of their relationships ever worked out and some of the excess drama that seemed to make its way into the show.  On Sunday night though, I was pleased to reminisce about the fun times I’d had with my roommates and girlfriends, many of whom are now scattered across the country.

I was not expecting an Oscar worthy movie here and believe me, it wasn’t.  But “Sex in the City: The Movie” did surprise me with an theme that I was not expecting – forgiveness.

“Sex in the City” has always been about the strength of the bonds between women – sometimes to the detriment of all other relationships.  But in this movie, not only do the women experience betrayal at the hands of men (something we have come to expect in this series), they also experience what they see as betrayal from each other.  And more than experiencing the betrayal, they struggle with the issues of what comes next.  To forgive or not forgive?  How long should we nurse our grudges?  Can we ever let go and open ourselves up to pain again?  Do we dare?  The movie brings the characters up to the edge of seeing what it is like to live life without forgiveness, without accepting people in their imperfections.  It shows that life without forgiveness is a life lived alone.

Forgiveness is not an easy question.  I used to volunteer at a domestic violence shelter, and the women who came there talked a lot about how they forgave their partners over and over again, and how each time the forgiveness enabled them to re-enter the relationship.  I don’t think that kind of forgiveness is good for us.

But on the other hand, all people make mistakes.  We all screw up.  Do we write off a lifelong friend because she said something inappropriate?  What about the time that we say something we regret?

These are not easy questions.

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Posted in Community, Entertainment

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New Year’s Inspiration

Posted on January 3, 2011 | 1 Comment

On New Year’s Eve I participated in an Interfaith Service that kicked off the First Night activities in the town of Norton.  I was there as a representative of the First Unitarian Church, but since the service was held in the oldest church in town, I was also the host.

I went in with truly no idea what to expect.  I was asked to take part in this service just a few weeks after I began the restart process, but have not really been involved in the planning of the service.  I knew when to show up, how to turn on the heat for everyone (cause that’s REALLY important on a New Year’s Eve service in New England, let me assure you) and that I was opening and closing the service.

What a terrific surprise New Year’s Eve turned out to be!  First of all, the church was almost filled.  For Norton Unitarian, that means about 150 people, give or take some empty spaces.   My colleagues are gifted speakers, and listening to them was a real pleasure.  But best of all was the feeling that we were all talking about – community.  As we all spoke and told stories and laughed, a community was built up in the church.  It was neighbors and friends, people who have known each other for decades and  people who had never seen each other before.  Yet through that shared experience – experience in this newly-being-born-yet-old-as-the-hills-church! – we built a community.

It was inspiring.

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Posted in Community, First Unitarian of Norton, Holidays, Ministry

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