Category Archives: Family

That’s my daughter

Posted on November 15, 2011 | Leave a comment

Over the last several days, my husband Eric has undertaken the monumental project of getting all of our photos off of various computers, cameras and phones and organized into one program.  Last night, he was working on re-dating some of the photos that had gotten out of order (never let your child press a “settings” button on your camera!) and I was helping him identify what event correlated with what date.  It took us on wonderful trip of the past few years, especially of our little Deliah.  She turned two this October, and it somehow seems light-years away since she was a tiny, helpless baby.

People keep telling us to “savor the moments” with our children while they are little, because “sooner than you know it, they will be all grown up!”  I know they are right, and I try to enjoy every moment of my time with my kids, even when they are less than ideal (picture the grocery store, two tired children and a bag of candy they are not allowed to have).  Deliah is already growing into a bright, determined little person, so different from the sleeping infant we brought home a little over two years ago.  We laughed last night as we saw flashes of her now-clear personality in those early movies and shots.

There is something magical about watching a child develop.  As they grow, we grow and change with them.  Our family has changed over the last two years. Eric and I – even Bryson –  are truly different people then we would have been if Deliah had not come into our lives.  We all impact each other in ways we don’t even realize.

For my daughter…..one of my favorite songs.  We love you, Deliah!

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Family, Kids

Tagged ,

On being an unexpected Great Mom

Posted on June 27, 2011 | 3 Comments

Last week, my husband and I took the kids to Dame Farm to pick some strawberries.  While not die-hard locavores, we do try to do as much in-season eating as possible, I’ve recently learned to make jam.

Unsurprisingly, the kids got tired of squatting in the strawberry rows before Eric and I felt we had enough strawberries to fill our freezer and jam jars.  I volunteered to go exploring with them while Eric continued to pick.  It was early in the season, so there was not too much to look at yet…..the plants were barely popping up in the fields, and none of the animals were out.  We wandered around for a with Bryson (our four year old) and I identifying different types and colors of flowers while trying to keep Deliah (our twenty month old) from decapitating every plant within her reach.

After several minutes of poking about and the near-death experience of a beautiful parsley plant, we found ourselves on the edge of the strawberry patch next to the irrigation system.  The sprinklers had been on that morning, and the water had made pool in the dirt road.  The kids started playing in the muddy water, delighting the the patterns the created in the puddles and the feel of the mud between their fingers.  Given they were in their oldest clothes and we were heading straight home after our strawberry picking, I didn’t really care if they got dirty while we waiting for Eric to finish up.

The kids started to dip their feet into the water, and soon both were up to their calves in the mud.  They thought it was great!  They waded into the puddle, running from one side to the other, dragging sticks along the bottom of the puddle and chasing each other in tiny circles.  After they had been at it a few minutes, and were rapidly becoming totally soaked, an elderly man stopped by on his way in to pay for the strawberries.  ”Those yours?” he asked, gesturing to the kids.  I nodded, smiling, ready for a rebuke on how irresponsible I was for letting them get dirty.  He paused for a minute, watching them, and then said quietly “Thank you.  That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve seen all year.”  A few minutes later a woman hurried by, also on her way in to pay.  She stopped short when she saw the kids and started to laugh.  She turned to me and said “Are you their mother?”  I nodded again, not sure what was to come.  ”You are such a great mom!  I want to be that good of a mom.”

Over the next ten minutes, five more people approached me -apparently all unrelated! –  asked me if Bryson and Deliah were my kids and then gave me some kind of compliment on my parenting.  One of them even thanked me for “sharing this beautiful scene.”

Because I let my kids RUN IN THE MUD.

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten that many compliments on my parenting in my LIFE, let alone all in the space of twenty minutes.

I’m really fascinated by this experience, and by the reaction it seemed to bring about in total strangers.   Was it my willingness to let them get really, really dirty that made me such a “great mom” for those twenty minutes?  Was is the fact that it was a sunny day on a country farm and no one was talking on a cell phone?  Are kids just tremendously compelling when laughing and splashing in the mud?

Not my kids.....but the "kids cute in mud" theory seems to hold true!

What do you think?

→ 3 Comments

Posted in Family, Kids, Society

Tagged , ,

Our television adventures

Posted on May 24, 2011 | Leave a comment

A little over a year ago, my husband and I made the decision to cut our cable.  Our reasons were pragmatic – we don’t watch much TV, when we do it is PBS, and we don’t like the violence that flashes on the screen when we were flipping channels, trying to get to one of the three stations we actually watch.  As an added perk, we saved $12/month on our television bill.  We opted to keep “basic cable,” which when I was growing up was known as “network television” – a term that is somehow obsolete now.  With that came CBS, NBC, ABC, a random Chicago station (in New England?  We’re not sure why) and 4 PBS stations.  At least, those were the ones we watched.

We liked our adventures without cable.  We found that it was more difficult to “veg out” in front of the TV, and I felt much better about letting our nephew flip the channels when I didn’t think he would come across a gory episode of “Law and Order” at four o’clock in the afternoon.  But surprisingly, there were some things we found we missed.

People say vegging out is a really bad idea.  Sitting aimlessly for hours on end, staring at a screen, not out there experiencing life.  And I have to confess, I agree with that.  I’m not in favor of endless vegging out.  I think that watching excessive T.V. is the root of a lot of problems in our society, and it is not a lifestyle I advocate.  I was recently quoted that the average American watches 7 hours of television a day.  SEVEN HOURS.  That appalled me.  That’s practically an entire workday!  I also recently read that many children get more face time with the television than they do with their family.  That idea makes me sad.

So I’m not a big T.V. advocate, and I’m really in favor of getting out there and experiencing life.  But here’s my big confession – I also believe that some vegging out is actually a good idea.  Having a place to sit down for a half an hour, a couple times a week, when I’m not sleeping and/or accomplishing something can be a real treat.  I enjoy shows that make me laugh.  Sometimes, television shows are interesting.

We reinstated cable a few months ago.  My husband decided that the $12/month savings was not worth missing all the Red Sox games that would be coming on NESN (he’s a huge fan).  I didn’t have a strong opinion one way or the other.  But since we have had cable back, I do notice something nice – there’s a little more laughter in my life.  I have gotten out of my head a few more times in the past few months than I might otherwise have done.  We’ve seen some pointless commercials and some violence that I think was inappropriate.

But I’ve had a few laughs.  

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Entertainment, Family

Tagged , ,

Terrors in the night

Posted on April 15, 2011 | Leave a comment

As a parent of young children, I have learned to cope with fairly interrupted sleep.  If it’s my daughter getting tangled up in her blankets or my son needing to go to the bathroom at 2 a.m., I’ve grown accustomed to moving from a deep sleep to wide awake in a matter of moments.  I’m not a great night-owl, though….when I’m up with my kids, my primary thought is “how can I settle this issue as quickly as possible to get back to sleep?”  My kids are pretty good sleepers in that once their issues are addressed, they generally go back to bed quickly and without a problem.

Until now.

My little Bryson has had a few nights now of what are generally known as “night terrors.”  They are not nightmares, where the kids may be upset but can be comforted one they wake.  During these events, the children aren’t actually awake, but screaming and crying in their sleep.  Apparently it happens to about 30% of children between the ages of 3 and 6.  They look and act “awake” – eyes open, crying and upset – but the brain is still functionally sleeping.

This has only happened to Bryson three times in the last year, so it is far from becoming a pattern – a reality I’m grateful for.  But when it has happened, it is dreadful….watching his little body toss and turn and cry without being able to comfort him.  We’ve tried virtually all tricks in the book to help him “wake up,”short of putting him in a cold shower (a case where it seems like the cure may be worse than the disease).   Words,  hugs and kisses don’t help – his beloved stuffed animals have no impact –  soft music, gentle touch or turning on the lights only agitate him more.

Last night, I climbed in bed with him as he cried and shrieked, eyes open but clearly not seeing.  I laid down with him quietly and stayed there without saying anything, my hand barely touching him.  Amazingly, after a few minutes, he started to quiet down and curled his little body up next to me.  As he cozied in, I whispered “It’s ok, honey.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, his whole body tensed up and we were off again! Finally he calmed down enough to curl up again, my hand just barely touching him, and he slept peacefully the rest of the night.

Our desire to “do something” so strong.  To do something, to say something, to offer something to someone who is having a hard time or is in pain.  Sometimes, those offers of help are just what people need and are, in fact, amazingly helpful.  But sometimes – every once and a while, as Bryson taught me last night – it is best to just be there.

Here’s to a better night tonight!

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Family, Kids

Tagged ,

Generations

Posted on March 29, 2011 | 2 Comments

I recently took a survey on Facebook to learn how “Millennial” I am.  The top score you can have is 100, and I scored a 69 – right in there given that I am either a Gen X’er  or Millennial (depending on the source) with no tattoos and I maintain a landline.  (Our house is a dead cell zone.  Have you ever wondered if the phone companies planned that?)

I find the generational distinctions in our society fascinating.  I grew up with Boomer parents, and learned the songs of Cat Stevens and “Free to Be You and Me” before I was in kindergarden.  When I was in high school and college, there was a lot of talk about how my generation was “apathetic” and “without direction or drive.”  We didn’t have a civil rights movement or a cause to rally around.  Generation X was the first big divorce generation – huge numbers of us grew up with two houses,  step-families or single parents.

We were fragmented generations, and still are today.  Most of us have a very different sense of what “society” and “community” look like than our parents and grandparents did.  Some people argue that the structures of society (like churches and social clubs) are dying because Generations X and Millennial just don’t care.

I think we do care.  I think we care tremendously about connection and action, but I don’t know that we do community the way it was done 40 years ago.  Perhaps some of us do – after all, social clubs are not dead and gone – but stats show that large numbers of us find meaning and ways to connect in different ways than the old institutions.  

I’m fascinated to see what the future will bring!

→ 2 Comments

Posted in Community, Family, Society

Tagged , , ,

Dispensable Children

Posted on February 9, 2011 | Leave a comment

When we brought home our puppy Kayla, some five years ago,  a lot of people talked to us about how having her was going to be just like having a new baby.  “It’s so much work” they said earnestly, “You have to watch her and be there for her and take her outside all the time to go to the bathroom.”  I still remember the potty-training process for Kayla, mostly because we bought her in December and there was a lot of time spent in the snow and ice.   But here’s the thing, my friends.

YOU CAN’T PUT KIDS IN A KENNEL.

A darling doggie waiting happily for their owner to come home

There are a lot of differences between Kayla and my kids (to state the enormously obvious).  But one of the most important ones to know as a parent – be it for a puppy or child – is that you can leave dogs home alone and you CAN’T DO THAT WITH KIDS.  Once kids are born, they need pretty much 24/7  supervision for at least the first ten years of their lives.  There is the time when they are sleeping that you’re available (in your home) and most of us have at least some kind of support structure to help us watch our kids, be that daycare, friends or relatives. But they are yours…..your responsibility, your joy and your headache.  And at no time are you free to blithely plan your day, week or life without thinking of them.

I feel like we all know this on an intellectual level, but somehow that doesn’t translate into the reality of daily life.  I have experienced so many stories lately, from my friends and in my own life, where we are asked to simply tuck the realities of our children away.  One friend recently told me a story about being asked to serve on a committee at her church.  My friend explained to the woman asking her that she had children (ages 2 and 5), and that though she would be happy to serve, finding childcare in their small town was sometimes challenging.  The church woman said “I’m sure they would be fine of you just put them somewhere while you are here.”  My friend said to me later “It was clear that she was trying to be helpful.  And I appreciated that.  But where would I just “put” them in the church?  It’s not like I can just stick them in a room and tell them to stay there until I’m done with a meeting.  And even if I could – if they could handle it – why would I want to do that?”

Kids aren’t puppies.  And we can’t leave them home when we go to the grocery store, dinner or church.  Their needs don’t go away because the parents want to be part of something.  If we want to live as an integrated society – or as integrated churches – we need to meet the needs of both the parents and children.

Not a picture of my kids.....but aren't they cute?

I get at least two referrals on all people who watch my kids.  I’m a freak about making sure my kids are safe and well cared for, and that the time they spend with anyone is quality – that they are learning and growing and being cared for physically, mentally and emotionally.  It’s a lot, but really……how can we do anything less?

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Church, Community, Family, Kids

Tagged , , , ,

New England Wins

Posted on February 1, 2011 | 1 Comment

Writing a blog post about the weather seems like a terribly trite thing to do – especially since I am a Minnesotan living on the East Coast!

I have generally found the weather on the East Coast to be unimpressive.  I have also found the salting and plowing of roads to be unimpressive.  When it snows here, I hear a lot about “The blizzard of  ’78” (which, just for the record was OVER THIRTY YEARS AGO) and warnings not to go to the supermarket since everyone will be there stocking up on their milk and bread.

Most of the time when it snows and everyone around me is canceling things, I smugly pull on my super-duper-snow-proof boots, add an extra layer of Minnesota long underwear, and saunter freely into the big wide world.  My kids have become beautifully trained into my thoughts of “appropriate clothing make a happy child” and agreeably climb into their snowsuits, heavy mittens and extra hats while their friends blithely  travel the playground in cotton gloves.

However, this latest round of snowstorms has crushed  me and my Midwestern resolve.  I now concede, New England….you have some mighty winters.   Your snow has made me tired of shoveling, your sleet has come forth  in icy torrents, and let’s not even get started on the skating rink that is my driveway.   Your winter weather is officially crummy, difficult to manage and exhausting.

I’ve canceled tomorrow’s meetings.

Congratulations.

→ 1 Comment

Posted in Family, New England

Tagged , ,

Let’s talk about paperwork

Posted on January 18, 2011 | Leave a comment

Because paperwork is EVERYONE’S favorite topic. You know you love it….can’t you just FEEL the love?

Ok, I’ll come clean.  I don’t love paperwork.  I don’t love filing, sorting or hold music.  And I am tremendously bad about jotting important things down on tiny post-it notes which will later end up buried on my desk or at the bottom of my purse.  I am one of those people who has literally been saved by technology – I can now jot down notes in my Palm Pilot and then do a device-wide “search” and find whatever I’m looking for!

With the new year and increased activity in the church, I’ve spent the past few days doing a lot of paperwork, and am nearing the end of the original mountain.  Quite a bit had been accomplished -  tax forms have been ordered, the church website is well underway and the kids’ immunization forms have been given to all the right people.  Not to mention the fact that I can see my desk again.

Because color coded charts make us smarter. No, seriously they MAKE US SMARTER.

It has not been the most fun I’ve ever had (shocking, I realize!) but I have to admit that a lot of things in my life are way more accessible and easier to work with than they were five days ago.  I even appear to be smiling more at my computer!  Maybe organization does have a greater spiritual purpose….

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Church Administration, Family, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry

Tagged , , ,

Are Santa and Jesus Related?

Posted on December 21, 2010 | 1 Comment

I was recently reading  the book  Christmas Around the World to my nephew, S.,  who is eight.  “Christmas Around the World” tells the story of how Christmas is celebrated in different countries, the evolution of Santa Claus (Kris Kringle, St. Nicholas, Father Christmas, etc.) and mentions how some countries set up manger scenes.

After we had read the page about the manger scene in Italy, S. turned to me and asked

“Why was Jesus born on Christmas?”

I explained that, rather than Jesus being born on Christmas, we celebrate Christmas because of Jesus’ birth.

“But Christmas is about Santa.” S. patiently explained to me.  “What do Jesus and Santa have to do with each other?  Is Santa, Jesus’ dad?”

No, I explained, Joseph from the manger scene is Jesus’ dad.  S. looked at me, confused.  He knows the story of Jesus, and that he was a very good man who taught people to love each other.  Because I’m Unitarian Universalist, we have also taught him that Jesus was a prophet, and that God and Jesus are two separate beings.

“So Jesus was a good man who wanted everyone to love each other….and Santa is St. Nicholas who loves children and brings us presents.  They both love people but Santa is the only one who brings presents.  Why is Jesus part of Christmas?” 

I smiled, and explained to him that Jesus was still important, even though he didn’t bring us presents.  He was a person who lived and died caring for others, and who taught us all that we must always love each other, even when we don’t agree with them.

S. looked at me, somewhat knowingly.  “Well, if both of them talk about loving and both of them care about other people but Santa’s way older and Jesus is just a baby at Christmastime, I still think they are in the same family.  If Joesph is Jesus’ dad, maybe Santa is his grandpa.  Or MAYBE they are related in that special way where people are family but they don’t have the same parents or grandparents.  Like the way Uncle Nick isn’t really my uncle, but he’s still family.”

“Yes,” I agreed, “they come from different parts of the world and different times……but in the way that we have family who aren’t related to us because we love them….I suppose Jesus and Santa could be family.  They both believe in love and kindness and helping others.”

S. smiled with satisfaction.

“I think they are both nice people.  Even if Jesus doesn’t bring presents.”

→ 1 Comment

Posted in Family, Holidays

Tagged , , ,

When They All Go At Once….

Posted on December 9, 2010 | 2 Comments

Not really a picture of my kid (thankfully), but you get the idea.

December is a busy time.  We all know that.  So you would think that the cosmos at large should give us all a break.  The cosmos at large should say “I get that December is a busy time and that you are trying to celebrate the holidays with a destructive one-year-old and a three and a half year old who wants (bless him) to be a full participant in everything that you are doing, including baking, cooking, and wiring electric lights he should be no where NEAR.  I will give you a break.”

Nope.  The cosmos has NOT said that to my family this December.   It started small….the light went out in the refrigerator.  Then my husband’s car refused to start.  Then the freezer started to leak.  THEN the hot water heater literally exploded.  And now, NOW, we apparently have a family of the world’s most nervy field mice living in our walls because one of them ran ACROSS THE COUNTER AND INTO THE OVEN while there were five people standing and talking in the kitchen.  Aren’t field mice supposed to be timid?  Afraid of humans?  I swear, this mouse gave be a saucy glance as it danced across my kitchen counter and seemed to say “You think this is your house?  Not so, my friend, my family and I are taking over!”

This is where field mice belong, in the outdoors looking cute.

Fortunately, the work of our cats and a few catch-and-release traps have explained to these mice who is in charge.  As for the rest of it?  Let’s just hope the cosmos is done with the major appliances and vehicles in our house for a while.

→ 2 Comments

Posted in Family

Tagged ,