Category Archives: Kids

That’s my daughter

Over the last several days, my husband Eric has undertaken the monumental project of getting all of our photos off of various computers, cameras and phones and organized into one program.  Last night, he was working on re-dating some of the photos that had gotten out of order (never let your child press a “settings” button on your camera!) and I was helping him identify what event correlated with what date.  It took us on wonderful trip of the past few years, especially of our little Deliah.  She turned two this October, and it somehow seems light-years away since she was a tiny, helpless baby.

People keep telling us to “savor the moments” with our children while they are little, because “sooner than you know it, they will be all grown up!”  I know they are right, and I try to enjoy every moment of my time with my kids, even when they are less than ideal (picture the grocery store, two tired children and a bag of candy they are not allowed to have).  Deliah is already growing into a bright, determined little person, so different from the sleeping infant we brought home a little over two years ago.  We laughed last night as we saw flashes of her now-clear personality in those early movies and shots.

There is something magical about watching a child develop.  As they grow, we grow and change with them.  Our family has changed over the last two years. Eric and I – even Bryson –  are truly different people then we would have been if Deliah had not come into our lives.  We all impact each other in ways we don’t even realize.

For my daughter…..one of my favorite songs.  We love you, Deliah!

On being an unexpected Great Mom

Last week, my husband and I took the kids to Dame Farm to pick some strawberries.  While not die-hard locavores, we do try to do as much in-season eating as possible, I’ve recently learned to make jam.

Unsurprisingly, the kids got tired of squatting in the strawberry rows before Eric and I felt we had enough strawberries to fill our freezer and jam jars.  I volunteered to go exploring with them while Eric continued to pick.  It was early in the season, so there was not too much to look at yet…..the plants were barely popping up in the fields, and none of the animals were out.  We wandered around for a with Bryson (our four year old) and I identifying different types and colors of flowers while trying to keep Deliah (our twenty month old) from decapitating every plant within her reach.

After several minutes of poking about and the near-death experience of a beautiful parsley plant, we found ourselves on the edge of the strawberry patch next to the irrigation system.  The sprinklers had been on that morning, and the water had made pool in the dirt road.  The kids started playing in the muddy water, delighting the the patterns the created in the puddles and the feel of the mud between their fingers.  Given they were in their oldest clothes and we were heading straight home after our strawberry picking, I didn’t really care if they got dirty while we waiting for Eric to finish up.

The kids started to dip their feet into the water, and soon both were up to their calves in the mud.  They thought it was great!  They waded into the puddle, running from one side to the other, dragging sticks along the bottom of the puddle and chasing each other in tiny circles.  After they had been at it a few minutes, and were rapidly becoming totally soaked, an elderly man stopped by on his way in to pay for the strawberries.  ”Those yours?” he asked, gesturing to the kids.  I nodded, smiling, ready for a rebuke on how irresponsible I was for letting them get dirty.  He paused for a minute, watching them, and then said quietly “Thank you.  That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve seen all year.”  A few minutes later a woman hurried by, also on her way in to pay.  She stopped short when she saw the kids and started to laugh.  She turned to me and said “Are you their mother?”  I nodded again, not sure what was to come.  ”You are such a great mom!  I want to be that good of a mom.”

Over the next ten minutes, five more people approached me -apparently all unrelated! –  asked me if Bryson and Deliah were my kids and then gave me some kind of compliment on my parenting.  One of them even thanked me for “sharing this beautiful scene.”

Because I let my kids RUN IN THE MUD.

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten that many compliments on my parenting in my LIFE, let alone all in the space of twenty minutes.

I’m really fascinated by this experience, and by the reaction it seemed to bring about in total strangers.   Was it my willingness to let them get really, really dirty that made me such a “great mom” for those twenty minutes?  Was is the fact that it was a sunny day on a country farm and no one was talking on a cell phone?  Are kids just tremendously compelling when laughing and splashing in the mud?

Not my kids.....but the "kids cute in mud" theory seems to hold true!

What do you think?

Terrors in the night

As a parent of young children, I have learned to cope with fairly interrupted sleep.  If it’s my daughter getting tangled up in her blankets or my son needing to go to the bathroom at 2 a.m., I’ve grown accustomed to moving from a deep sleep to wide awake in a matter of moments.  I’m not a great night-owl, though….when I’m up with my kids, my primary thought is “how can I settle this issue as quickly as possible to get back to sleep?”  My kids are pretty good sleepers in that once their issues are addressed, they generally go back to bed quickly and without a problem.

Until now.

My little Bryson has had a few nights now of what are generally known as “night terrors.”  They are not nightmares, where the kids may be upset but can be comforted one they wake.  During these events, the children aren’t actually awake, but screaming and crying in their sleep.  Apparently it happens to about 30% of children between the ages of 3 and 6.  They look and act “awake” – eyes open, crying and upset – but the brain is still functionally sleeping.

This has only happened to Bryson three times in the last year, so it is far from becoming a pattern – a reality I’m grateful for.  But when it has happened, it is dreadful….watching his little body toss and turn and cry without being able to comfort him.  We’ve tried virtually all tricks in the book to help him “wake up,”short of putting him in a cold shower (a case where it seems like the cure may be worse than the disease).   Words,  hugs and kisses don’t help – his beloved stuffed animals have no impact –  soft music, gentle touch or turning on the lights only agitate him more.

Last night, I climbed in bed with him as he cried and shrieked, eyes open but clearly not seeing.  I laid down with him quietly and stayed there without saying anything, my hand barely touching him.  Amazingly, after a few minutes, he started to quiet down and curled his little body up next to me.  As he cozied in, I whispered “It’s ok, honey.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, his whole body tensed up and we were off again! Finally he calmed down enough to curl up again, my hand just barely touching him, and he slept peacefully the rest of the night.

Our desire to “do something” so strong.  To do something, to say something, to offer something to someone who is having a hard time or is in pain.  Sometimes, those offers of help are just what people need and are, in fact, amazingly helpful.  But sometimes – every once and a while, as Bryson taught me last night – it is best to just be there.

Here’s to a better night tonight!

Dispensable Children

When we brought home our puppy Kayla, some five years ago,  a lot of people talked to us about how having her was going to be just like having a new baby.  “It’s so much work” they said earnestly, “You have to watch her and be there for her and take her outside all the time to go to the bathroom.”  I still remember the potty-training process for Kayla, mostly because we bought her in December and there was a lot of time spent in the snow and ice.   But here’s the thing, my friends.

YOU CAN’T PUT KIDS IN A KENNEL.

A darling doggie waiting happily for their owner to come home

There are a lot of differences between Kayla and my kids (to state the enormously obvious).  But one of the most important ones to know as a parent – be it for a puppy or child – is that you can leave dogs home alone and you CAN’T DO THAT WITH KIDS.  Once kids are born, they need pretty much 24/7  supervision for at least the first ten years of their lives.  There is the time when they are sleeping that you’re available (in your home) and most of us have at least some kind of support structure to help us watch our kids, be that daycare, friends or relatives. But they are yours…..your responsibility, your joy and your headache.  And at no time are you free to blithely plan your day, week or life without thinking of them.

I feel like we all know this on an intellectual level, but somehow that doesn’t translate into the reality of daily life.  I have experienced so many stories lately, from my friends and in my own life, where we are asked to simply tuck the realities of our children away.  One friend recently told me a story about being asked to serve on a committee at her church.  My friend explained to the woman asking her that she had children (ages 2 and 5), and that though she would be happy to serve, finding childcare in their small town was sometimes challenging.  The church woman said “I’m sure they would be fine of you just put them somewhere while you are here.”  My friend said to me later “It was clear that she was trying to be helpful.  And I appreciated that.  But where would I just “put” them in the church?  It’s not like I can just stick them in a room and tell them to stay there until I’m done with a meeting.  And even if I could – if they could handle it – why would I want to do that?”

Kids aren’t puppies.  And we can’t leave them home when we go to the grocery store, dinner or church.  Their needs don’t go away because the parents want to be part of something.  If we want to live as an integrated society – or as integrated churches – we need to meet the needs of both the parents and children.

Not a picture of my kids.....but aren't they cute?

I get at least two referrals on all people who watch my kids.  I’m a freak about making sure my kids are safe and well cared for, and that the time they spend with anyone is quality – that they are learning and growing and being cared for physically, mentally and emotionally.  It’s a lot, but really……how can we do anything less?