Tag Archives: church

On being a member

Posted on April 17, 2012 | 2 Comments

A few weeks ago, I attempted to cancel (for the second time) the newsletter which continues to come to my house, addressed to “Rhode Island Baptist Women.”  I called the number that seemed logical for this newsletter, and explained as gently as I could to the woman who answered the phone that I was not part of the “Rhode Island Baptist Women’s Group” and that continuing to send a newsletter to my house was not helpful for either one of us.  The woman on the other end of the phone sighed and said “It’s such a shame….we’re losing so many members.”  I hastened to tell her that they weren’t really “losing” me – the only reason I was ever on their list was because once, years ago, I served as the chaplain at a historically Baptist nursing home and did an event with the Baptist Women’s Group.  ”I’m Unitarian Universalist!” I cheerfully told her, “you don’t want me on your list anyways!”

The woman on the other end of the phone did not share my excitement.  ”But you’ve been on our LIST” she said flatly.  ”I’m sorry you don’t want to be any more.  Even if you are Unitarian Universalist now, you might change your mind.”

I felt there was some kind of miscommunication going on between us.  I explained as clearly as I could that I was highly unlikely to convert to being a Baptist any time soon, since I was a minister in another faith, and that though I had a great deal of respect for the Rhode Island Baptist Women’s Group, I was emphatically not one of them and never would “come back.”  Particularly since I was never there in the first place.

This all got me thinking about what it means to be a member of something.  Some of my memberships I take very seriously – the membership to my college alum association (I love my college), for example, and my membership to the UU Minister’s Association.  Others mean less to me….like apparently my membership to the Rhode Island Baptist Women’s Group.

I think for membership to be relevant, three things have to be present in the relationship:

1). You have to care about the organization you are member of and contribute to it through time, money, skills etc.

2). The organization has to care about you and value you as a stakeholder, even if they do things you don’t always agree with.  You have to be valued.

3). The organization has to be relevant to your life and meaningful to you.  Otherwise, the membership is pointless.

How do we keep our memberships reflecting who we are in living into our best selves?  And what do we as churches do with our “members?”  What does that word mean in the context of a church whose goal it is to help people become their best selves and live their spiritual lives to the fullest?

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Posted in Church, Ministry

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When one door closes……..

Posted on February 28, 2012 | 11 Comments

It’s been quite a month.  To all appearances, our church re-start in Norton has been moving along beautifully.  We’ve had between forty and fifty people at our January and February services, and vibrant small group communities in our Roots groups, Buddhist groups, and Young Adult group.  People are inviting their friends to our events, (hooray!)  and we’ve been growing by about 2 or 3 people per week.

Then……

I received a letter at my home a few weeks ago.  It was from an attorney who the Parish Committee of Norton had hired, and it notified me that when my contract with the church expired on May 1, they would not be renewing it.  Further, it appears as though the Parish Committee has decided not to formally meet and therefore allow any of the new people to become actual members of the church.

When I first received the letter, all I could think of was “this must not be over.  We are onto something here, and something beautiful is happening in this community. It simply can’t be over!”  For a short period of time, my vocational path was clouded, and with it, the future of the spiritual community we have been building.  I had felt so sure, you see, that this church, at this location in Norton, was the way to bring about a version of vibrant, transformative, Unitarian Universalist faith.  But as I started to talk to people – people who have been part of the Norton community and the Unitarian Universalist community, and the people who are interested in what we have been doing in Norton – a path opened that I never would have expected a few weeks ago.

Yesterday, I signed a contract to become the full time minister at the First Parish Unitarian Church in Taunton.  First Parish Taunton is a small congregation just seven miles away from Norton Unitarian.  The Taunton church has been following the Norton re-start with interest, and even spoke to one of our denominational officials last fall about possibly doing a similar program in Taunton.  They were in search for a minister who could help them grow their congregation, and who was tuned into how to reach those who are “spiritual but not religious.”  They are delighted to welcome in our members from Norton, and to continue to grow the church into a welcoming, spiritually based community for the twenty first century!

When I first began the conversations with First Parish Church in Taunton, I was excited about the idea that our church re-start would not die. As I have continued to speak to their governing board and learn about their community, I have become truly convinced that moving our congregation to Taunton is the calling of our church community. Not only are the people in Taunton excited and welcoming, they have a large, up-to-date building, including all kinds of fancy assets that we don’t have in Norton, such as a telephone, and more than one toilet. They have several rooms for their children that have doors on them, rather than an outside door leading straight into a parking lot, and they even have computers!

They also have some staff, which means that I would be able to do two things – stop taking out the garbage myself, and allow me more time to take the next step in our ministry. You see, the goal for us before starting weekly worship in Norton was to reach a critical mass. I’m delighted to say that with addition of the people from the Taunton congregation, we have met that goal, will be able to begin having weekly worship when I start my ministry there on April 1.

It is the sort of story that you can’t possibly imagine, and yet when it does, it seems like it was all meant to be.  I’m so excited for this move – for the new opportunities for growth and creation, and for all that this congregation can become!

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Posted in Church, First Parish Taunton, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry, Unitarian Universalism

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Community Living

Posted on July 25, 2011 | Leave a comment

There are a lot of opinions about the “right” size for a church.   I was speaking with someone a few weeks ago about our church when she told me that any church more than 100 people “isn’t a community.”  ”After 100 people, you can’t know everyone,” she explained, “so how can you be a community at all?”

While I understand her reasoning,  I don’t agree.   On the one hand, she’s right – it is hard to know everyone when you have more than 100 people – but I don’t think that knowing everyone is the goal of a community.  I know the names of a lot of the people in my neighborhood, but I would not say we have a community.   A community to me is about being part of something bigger than yourself.  About choosing to engage with others, to give and to receive.  A community is a living organism, and it lives beyond people knowing each other.  A strong community breathes its own life.

How many is an an “ideal” church size?  Good question.  My home church was 400 people when I was born – by the time I graduated from high school, we were at 900.  There are a lot of systems theories and research out there indicating that any church over 100 people will likely continue to grow larger, with the continued efforts of the staff and members.  Under 100, because “everyone DOES know your name,” a church is more likely to become an insular community and stagnate in growth.  This is not a hard-and-fast rule, of course, but a likely outcome based on research.

What does this mean for the Unitarian Church of Norton?  Stay tuned!

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Posted in Church, Community, First Unitarian of Norton

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Norton Unitarian Website is UP!

Posted on May 17, 2011 | Leave a comment

Norton Unitarian

And let me tell you, it’s been quite the adventure.

When you are working with a church re-start, there’s a lot of “typical information” that simply doesn’t exist yet.  Who attends this church?  What is it all about?  When are services?  What is your role in the community?

Boy, those are some good questions.  And this month, the one-year anniversary of my hiring to the First Unitarian Church of Norton, many of these questions are being answered.

Over the past year, I’ve spoken with hundreds of people.  I’ve talked with people who live in Norton and the surrounding towns, students and faculty at Wheaton College, business owners, mothers and fathers, long-time church attenders and people who are spiritual but not religious.  The oldest person I’ve met with who is interested in the church is 81 – the youngest is 13.  Through these conversations I’ve gotten a sense of what people are looking for and what Unitarian Universalism might look like in this place, at this time.

Our website does not answer all of those questions; the vision for this church is still emerging.  And, to be honest, will probably continue to emerge and change as long as this church exists.  Churches have to move and to breathe with the world around them, otherwise we will cease to be meaningful and relevant.

But our website shows a beginning of the vision for this church, at this time, in this place.  And it’s a great vision.  I’m so inspired by the people I’m working with, and by all those who are involved and interested in the First Unitarian Church of Norton re-start.

So go check it out, and share with all your friends!

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Posted in Church, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry, Unitarian Universalism

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Time’s a-tickin’

Posted on February 24, 2011 | Leave a comment

Somehow, the last two weeks have gotten away from me.  My “smart” cell phone blew up (in the software sense, not an actual explosion…..though it felt that way), family came to visit and I had a birthday.  We held our second gathering of the first Small Group at Norton Unitarian Church last night, our second Small Group is almost full and will likely start meeting in a week or two.  I’m now speaking to people about joining the churches third Small Group, interviewing childcare providers (because children are not puppies) and putting final touches on the website mock-up.

Suddenly, there is momentum beyond me in the church!

It is so wonderful to talk to so many people interested and excited about the church I’m hoping Norton Unitarian will become.  I’ll be honest – I’m not trying to build something that looks like our “traditional” Unitarian Universalist church.  I want to be part of a religious community that speaks to a different need – a need that doesn’t seem to be being met by many of our current options.  A need that is about connection and vibrancy and faith.

By throwing the doors open to the church and presenting new ideas, new cultures are starting to emerge.  We are at the very beginning yet…..the very beginning….but the goal of the church is to be a place of meaning and joy. A place where we don’t have to always worry about what has been, but where we can look at where we are today and say “What works?  What makes sense?  What do we want in our lives?  What makes us grow spiritually and become better people in the world?”

This church is about faith today.

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Posted in Church, Church Administration, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry

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Dispensable Children

Posted on February 9, 2011 | Leave a comment

When we brought home our puppy Kayla, some five years ago,  a lot of people talked to us about how having her was going to be just like having a new baby.  “It’s so much work” they said earnestly, “You have to watch her and be there for her and take her outside all the time to go to the bathroom.”  I still remember the potty-training process for Kayla, mostly because we bought her in December and there was a lot of time spent in the snow and ice.   But here’s the thing, my friends.

YOU CAN’T PUT KIDS IN A KENNEL.

A darling doggie waiting happily for their owner to come home

There are a lot of differences between Kayla and my kids (to state the enormously obvious).  But one of the most important ones to know as a parent – be it for a puppy or child – is that you can leave dogs home alone and you CAN’T DO THAT WITH KIDS.  Once kids are born, they need pretty much 24/7  supervision for at least the first ten years of their lives.  There is the time when they are sleeping that you’re available (in your home) and most of us have at least some kind of support structure to help us watch our kids, be that daycare, friends or relatives. But they are yours…..your responsibility, your joy and your headache.  And at no time are you free to blithely plan your day, week or life without thinking of them.

I feel like we all know this on an intellectual level, but somehow that doesn’t translate into the reality of daily life.  I have experienced so many stories lately, from my friends and in my own life, where we are asked to simply tuck the realities of our children away.  One friend recently told me a story about being asked to serve on a committee at her church.  My friend explained to the woman asking her that she had children (ages 2 and 5), and that though she would be happy to serve, finding childcare in their small town was sometimes challenging.  The church woman said “I’m sure they would be fine of you just put them somewhere while you are here.”  My friend said to me later “It was clear that she was trying to be helpful.  And I appreciated that.  But where would I just “put” them in the church?  It’s not like I can just stick them in a room and tell them to stay there until I’m done with a meeting.  And even if I could – if they could handle it – why would I want to do that?”

Kids aren’t puppies.  And we can’t leave them home when we go to the grocery store, dinner or church.  Their needs don’t go away because the parents want to be part of something.  If we want to live as an integrated society – or as integrated churches – we need to meet the needs of both the parents and children.

Not a picture of my kids.....but aren't they cute?

I get at least two referrals on all people who watch my kids.  I’m a freak about making sure my kids are safe and well cared for, and that the time they spend with anyone is quality – that they are learning and growing and being cared for physically, mentally and emotionally.  It’s a lot, but really……how can we do anything less?

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Posted in Church, Community, Family, Kids

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What are we looking for?

Posted on January 14, 2011 | 8 Comments

It is a pretty commonly accepted fact that not a lot of Americans today attend church.  Most data suggests that between 40 percent and 50 percent of people in Generations X and Y did not grow up attending any kind of church at all.

Those who were born after 1970 (X and Y are generally defined as people born between 1965 and 1990) had Baby Boomer parents who lived through the tumult of the 1960s, saw JFK and Martin Luther King, Jr., shot, and were involved in the Vietnam War in one way or another.

Many Boomer parents did not send their kids to church because they themselves were breaking out of the norms of the day.  And how much more “normative” do you get than going to church?  Even those who did send their kids to church or who attended as a family often did so in a very relaxed fashion.  There were the “Christmas and Easter” families, of course, but also the families who went to church only when their kids were little or, in the Catholic faith, until their youngest child “made First Communion.”

As a result of all this, and other factors, many churches today are dying.  People don’t go because they never have.  They may visit a few times, but don’t find it relevant.  They sing songs they don’t know, recite prayers they have never heard and get asked to be on committees.  Sometimes they stay.  More often, they leave.

Yet the fundamental religious need has not changed.  The desire to have a life full of meaning and purpose is alive in all of us.  The questions about faith and God and death go through all of our minds.

So what are we looking for from churches?  My theory is that we are looking for a place to share our experiences and ask questions.  We don’t want a place that tells us what to do, but we do want guidance.  We want to enjoy our time, because life’s too short to do something that is more “work,” and we could always be playing Farmville.  We want to laugh, do something meaningful, and know that we are not alone.

What do you think?

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Posted in Church, First Unitarian of Norton, Ministry, Spiritual life

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Why Church?

Posted on November 16, 2010 | 2 Comments

I recently reconnected with someone I used to work with in hospice.  She is a lovely person, and asked me honestly why I had left the field, and moved my professional life from hospice chaplaincy to parish work.

“And why”….she continued  “this church?  A church that’s just beginning?  Why would you do something so unusual?  Don’t you miss hospice?  Isn’t this all planning and program work, and no time really with the people?”

To an extent, she is right.  Parish life, at least restarting a church with the intention of significant growth, is about a lot of planning and development work.  Where I used to spend all my days with people, holding hands and being part of an experience, I am now spending a lot of time writing, talking on the phone, planning and organizing.   I still meet with people, but it is much less frequently, and for very different reasons.

Hospice work is awesome, and I think it’s a program WAY more people should be involved with, both in terms of volunteering and receiving care.  But I have to say, I think the church is awesome too.  The ideas we are working with are just incredibly important.  How do we make a church that is relevant to people’s lives?   Does community really have a purpose, or are we all better off on our own?   What makes church – or any kind of spiritual experience – meaningful?

It matters because none of us can go it alone.

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Posted in Community, Ministry, Spiritual life

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